It’s Valentine’s Day. You’re distant. Now what?

It’s easy for people in the new love/newlywed stage to express their love during Valentine’s Day but what if you’re stuck in a rut? People get stuck in all types of ruts, such as a demanding work schedule, having children or being in a transitional stage, and showing love to your significant other can be tough.

This holiday can bring up a lot of emotion in people. For all of you in a relationship that is connected, then Valentine’s Day can be simple. Flowers, card and dinner lead to a great night with your significant other. If you are single, then maybe a night out with your friends or taking some alone time to engage in self-love. Then there’s that group of people, very often ending up in my office for couple’s counseling, who are having difficulty in their relationship and are unsure of how to celebrate the upcoming day of love. Here are some steps for you to follow to move out of the rut.

Making the first step
If you are unsure of how to create intimacy in your disconnected relationship, you might have to begin by taking the first step. Make a suggestion to your partner that you want to do something for V-Day or mention a restaurant you would like to make reservations at. If you wait for your partner to say something, you may be setting yourself up not to have your needs met or of having expectations which won’t lead to anything. This step requires you to be vulnerable. Check in with yourself and ask “What would it look like for me to be vulnerable with my partner?” and “What’s keeping me from being vulnerable with them?”.

Taking baby steps
Taking baby steps to reconnect with your partner this week. If you have fallen out of a regular routine you used to have, make it happen for the two of you to connect that way one night. If you used to eat dinner together every night, ask your significant other to be home in time for the two of you to share a meal. During the meal, it’s a great opportunity for you to broach the subject of Valentine’s Day. Gauge their reaction and response when moving forward with the discussion. Again, take small steps toward connection and it will help to create safety where there has been a gap in intimacy.

Enjoying the day for what it is
Remember that love can be expressed in many different ways, on many different days. If your partner’s love language is not gifts, he may not realize that gifts are a “requirement” of Valentine’s Day and especially if your love language is gifts. Take the day to express love to your significant other and other people in your life. Fill up your need to celebrate Valentine’s Day through several avenues. Bring in candy to work. Wear red throughout the week. Watch a sappy romcom on Friday. Post fun pictures of Facebook that remind you of love. How can you best express love to yourself, your significant other and friends/family?

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Photo credit: Pinterest

Amanda Patterson, LMHC, CAP decided to become a therapist while attending Nova Southeastern University. She saw the need to help people achieve the life they wanted to live, while creating a life of her own. She completed her master’s in Mental Health Counseling and started a career in the juvenile justice arena. Since then, she has started a private practice in Pembroke Pines, Florida, specializing in depression, anxiety relationship issues, and substance abuse. Amanda is a believer in holistic treatment and she practices veganism, meditation and yoga in her life. Find out more about her practice here. For a free 15-minute consultation, call or text Amanda at 954-258-8845 or email her at amanda@amandapattersonlmhc.com.

How to Create a Stress-Free Home

We spend a significant amount of times in our homes. It’s where we start our day off and end our day. It’s where we connect with family members. It’s where we share meals and stories after a long day. Some of my clients have shared that their household is a source of stress and anxiety for them. They know their home can be a source of relaxation and calm for them, but are not sure how to create a stress-free environment. Below are some simple strategies you can utilize in your home to create harmony, balance and calm.

Add symbols around your house that you associate calmness with
One way to increase calm immediately is through the usage of symbols that you associate calmness with and then adding them to various parts of your house. Some people find items for the ocean to be calming for them, while some people might like to put statues of Buddhas around the house. Go look at your local home goods store and find what speaks to you. You can also find items in nature, such as flowers, that help bring calming energy to your home. Put them strategically around your house, in places that have either been a source of stress for you or prominent places in your house where you will see the symbol often.

Incorporate the usage of essential oils
Adding essential oils into your household can help bring a relief from anxiety. Lavender has a calming effect when used. You can use a diffuser to get the full effects around the house. You can also purchase everyday items with your favorite calming scent in them. In my household, I use lavender scented cleaning products. You can pick a scent that works for you and can use it in your shower, in your cleaning routine and topically.

Declutter space that is a source of anxiety
Do you have a pile of mail you see when you first walk into your house? Is your living room filled with toys or other items that just lead you to feel stressed? One surefire way to feel less stressed in the house is to remove these items. Clean up the bills and mail. Find a permanent home for those toys. Tackle your overflowing closet that you have been putting off. Clean out the garage and have a sale. Use the money you earned to buy your relaxation symbols and calming oils.

Put up positive affirmations around your house
Make a list of positive affirmations that you want to live by and then put them up in various locations in your house. One of the most popular places is in on the mirror in your bathroom. What a great way to be reminded, at least twice a day, that you are beautiful or that you can achieve your dreams. You can put them on doors, the fridge, mirrors in the house or anywhere you walk by and see on a regular basis. Ask your children what they want their positive affirmations to be so they are actively involved in the process.

Use meals as an anchor for connection
Use meal time as a way to connect with yourself and your family. Use meal time to talk about things that will get conversation flowing and people opening up. It’s not a time to talk about those bills, school grades or work stressors. It can be used as a time to find out how a person is feeling or what they appreciate about each other. When there is harmony around meals, family members will be more engaged and excited for family time. If you live alone, take meal times to connect with yourself and review how you are feeling. Take a walk after dinner to continue to connect with each other and with yourself. Remember, the goal is to increase connection and harmony within yourself and with others.

What will you commit to in order to decrease stress and increase harmony into your household? What other suggestions do you have to begin calmness into your life? What obstacles do you face with your family or in your house?

Amanda Patterson, LMHC, CAP decided to become a therapist while attending Nova Southeastern University. She saw the need to help people achieve the life they wanted to live, while creating a life of her own. She completed her master’s in Mental Health Counseling and started a career in the juvenile justice arena. Since then, she has started a private practice in Pembroke Pines, Florida, specializing in depression, anxiety relationship issues, and substance abuse. Amanda is a believer in holistic treatment and she practices veganism, meditation and yoga in her life. Find out more about her practice here. For a free 15-minute consultation, call or text Amanda at 954-258-8845 or email her at amanda@amandapattersonlmhc.com.

Why Being Vegan is Good for Your Mental Health

On this Meatless Monday, I have decided to dedicate a blog post to the mental health benefits of going/being vegan. I was inspired yesterday after meeting with the No-Meat Athlete group here in Fort Lauderdale for a 5k run and breakfast outing. Personally, I have been a vegan for over five years, after reading the infamous book, Skinny Bitch. Since then, I have dedicated one of my life’s purposes to being vegan. After giving some thought to the people I spent yesterday morning with, as well as examining the people in my life that are currently vegan, I decided to share about the ways I believe being vegan (and vegetarian) is good for your mental health. So my question for you after reading the following is how will you commit to your mental health through giving up meat on Mondays, going vegetarian or through the Full Monty of veganism?

Vegans practice compassion everyday
Vegans choose to eat plant-based foods every day over putting meat into their body. They choose to pick life over pleasure. They choose to make conscious decisions about what they put in their bodies. And the decision is to spare animals in their quest for nourishment. We live in a society where at one level animals are a part of our families. We spent millions each year on animal food, vet bills, costumes for animals, etc to ensure they are happy and healthy. We have dogs, cats, hamsters, snakes, guinea pigs, ferrets, etc as pets. And on the other hand, I went to a restaurant the other night that was serving antelope on the menu. Americans consume pigs, cows, ducks, fish and any plethora of other animals every day, several times a day. There is definitely an incongruence when a person keeps fish as a pet, gives them a name, feeds them every night and puts cute toys in their tank and that person sits down to a salmon dinner at night.

Vegans learn to be creative, in many aspects of their life
When you become vegan you get exposed to a multitude of foods that you would not have otherwise been exposed to. You learn to cook with a variety of spices, especially if you like tofu because tofu takes on the taste of whatever it is marinated or cooked in. You learn how to bake without the usage of eggs or dairy products. You learn how to make simple meals into extravagant vegan meals. It goes a step further than that for people who do not wear or use any animal products. Women who love purses learn how to get creative in their search for the best Big Buddha or Stella McCartney bags.

Vegans know how to engage people in conversation
The first rule of vegan club? Tell everyone about vegan club. Vegans have the best conversation starters. “How long have you been vegan”, “Have you ever considered going vegan”, “Let me tell you about my journey of becoming a vegan” and the list goes on and on. Vegans have the best jokes around: “Why did the tofu cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken”. Vegans have the best pick-up likes, too. “Can I take your picture for the sexiest vegan contest?”. “What’s your favorite thing to do with Bragg’s Liquid Aminos?”.

Vegans embrace their passion all the time
Being vegan means making choices every day about what to eat, what to wear and how to interact with the world. It takes commitment and dedication and vegans live that every day. For me, being vegan goes beyond what I eat. It is a lifestyle choice I decided to make. It has become a part of who I am and that part of me is expressed every day. Being passionate about something gives you the energy to wake up in the morning after a late night. Following your dreams requires being a passionate person. Opening up and being passionate in life are essentials for good mental health.

Vegans know how to have a good time
My favorite thing to tell non-vegans are being vegan is that Oreos are vegan. Oreos are my favorite dessert to cheat with. When everyone else is eating that generic birthday cake, I am usually found in the corner at parties, eating Oreos, one bite at a time. I always make sure there are Oreos at every party I throw. And why? Because vegans know how to have a good time. Vegans know how to let loose and let go in ways that make them feel comfortable. Vegans know how to laugh when people ask them where they get their protein from. Vegans know how to bring their own food to parties and still end up being the life of the party as they share the above mentioned vegan jokes.

I encourage each of you, whether you are already vegan/vegetarian, veg-curious, a Meatless Monday enthusiast or a fan of my blogs, to take a look at your relationship with meat and how it is impacting you in your life. Are you interested in learning more about going vegan? Here’s a link for more information.

Happy Meatless Mondays!

Amanda Patterson, LMHC, CAP decided to become a therapist while attending Nova Southeastern University. She saw the need to help people achieve the life they wanted to live, while creating a life of her own. She completed her master’s in Mental Health Counseling and started a career in the juvenile justice arena. Since then, she has started a private practice in Pembroke Pines, Florida, specializing in depression, anxiety relationship issues, and substance abuse. Amanda is a believer in holistic treatment and she practices veganism, meditation and yoga in her life. Find out more about her practice here. For a free 15-minute consultation, call or text Amanda at 954-258-8845 or email her at amanda@amandapattersonlmhc.com.

The biggest factor in therapy is YOU!

I got a call from an old client recently. I accidentally scheduled an appointment for him through my online system and he was calling to let me know. We chatted briefly and he reported that he is doing much better than when he came in to see me. He was experiencing debilitating symptoms at the time and despite previous attempts at treatment, medication and current therapy with me, his symptoms just weren’t lifting. He suddenly called me one day and dropped out of treatment. And for me, that is where our story ended, or so I thought. My goal with clients is to help them heal and relieve symptoms and at the same time respect their decision to change course in treatment. I’m a naturally inquisitive person and often wonder what happens to people I don’t hear from again. Little did I know, I was going to have the chance to find this out.

When I spoke to him, he reported that something I said must have sunk in. Something shifted inside of him and changed. He sounded really great on the phone and shared that he was feeling great too. He thanked me for the work we did together and we hung up. I gave our conversation some thought and wondered how this turned out to be a treatment success, when if someone had asked me prior to talking to him, I would have said treatment was not effective. What I was able to recognize that the biggest factor in his case, and with many people, is the desire to have things differently in their life. The biggest factor of change in therapy is the client. I am simply a conduit for change. I provide the tools and feedback, but it’s up to the client to do something with that information given. This was truly a case of reciprocity that continued on past the time in my office. This client was able to show me that no matter what technique was being done and what really insightful information was explored, it has to do with a person’s willingness and desire to have a different life.

So now I decided to write a post about this topic for both myself and you, the reader. It served as a reminder to me that even though I might not see the fruits of my labor right away as a therapist, the seeds were planted and someone can bloom in their time, in their way. As for current and future clients, I implore you to think about what you desire in your life and how you (and me) can make it happen. It is after all the New Year and a time for renewal and setting intentions. What do you want your 2015 to look like? Are you currently in therapy and feeling stuck? Just remember therapy is a process and things take time and who knows, one day you will be able to call your old therapist and gush about the shifts you have made in your life.

Amanda Patterson, LMHC, CAP decided to become a therapist while attending Nova Southeastern University. She saw the need to help people achieve the life they wanted to live, while creating a life of her own. She completed her master’s in Mental Health Counseling and started a career in the juvenile justice arena. Since then, she has started a private practice in Pembroke Pines, Florida, specializing in depression, anxiety relationship issues, and substance abuse. Amanda is a believer in holistic treatment and she practices veganism, meditation and yoga in her life. Find out more about her practice here. For a free 15-minute consultation, call or text Amanda at 954-258-8845 or email her at amanda@amandapattersonlmhc.com.

Disclaimer: The client stories posted on this blog are intended to provide learning opportunities or address challenges in the home- or community-based counseling settings. Identifying information has been omitted and details have modified as necessary.

Holidays Blues Got You Down?

There is such a dichotomy of feelings when it comes to the holiday season. On one hand, you have all of the holiday spirit and joy. The feelings you get when you give and relieve presents or find the perfect gift for someone. Personally, I can’t help but sing along whenever Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer comes on and it brings me straight back to my childhood and singing Christmas carols with Girl Scouts at the mall. But, there are the other feelings that can come up. Dread about seeing long lost family members or worry about where to get the money for those perfect Christmas presents. What feelings are coming up for you this year?

A recommendation for dealing with your emotions is to manage expectations. You simple cannot doing everything. There tend to be a lot of demands on people’s time, money and energy during this time. Make a realistic plan for your resources. You might not be able to do everything you want and that’s okay. Trying to meet your expectations and everyone else’s can lead to burn out and depression. Setting boundaries and establishing realistic expectations will be helpful. What unrealistic expectations are you placing on yourself?

Another way to deal with holiday blues is to immerse yourself in the holidays, such as going to your work Christmas party and the Ugly Sweater party (as long as you mind the suggestion above). If you feel like isolating, you have to push yourself to do the opposite. Meet up a friend at a local Starbucks for a holiday themed drink. Just get out there and have some fun. Increasing pleasurable activities is a way to improve depression. Isolating, withdrawing and ignoring isn’t going to make your feelings go away. What holiday activity do you want to do before the season is up?

If your depression is worsening, making a last minute appointment with your therapist might be the type of support you need at this time. If your therapist’s office is closed, ask about the possibility for a phone session so you have the opportunity to check in, if needed.

Happy Holidays to everyone and I look forward to connected with my readers through the upcoming year with new and exciting blog posts.

Amanda Patterson, LMHC, CAP decided to become a therapist while attending Nova Southeastern University. She saw the need to help people achieve the life they wanted to live, while creating a life of her own. She completed her master’s in Mental Health Counseling and started a career in the juvenile justice arena. Since then, she has started a private practice in Pembroke Pines Florida, specializing in depression, anxiety relationship issues, and substance abuse. Amanda is a believer in holistic treatment and she practices veganism, meditation and yoga in her life. Find out more about her practice here. For a free 15-minute consultation, call or text Amanda at 954-258-8845 or email her at amanda@amandapattersonlmhc.com.

Living Your Dream through Purpose and Passion

So you want to live your dream but don’t know where to start? The place you start is right here and right now. It’s about making a decision to live your life in a way that brings you happiness. One thing I often hear from people is that they don’t know what their dream is so they are comfortable in the space they are in. If you love the idea of living your dream, then start today. Grab a journal, paper, your phone or anything to put your thoughts down and start writing.

Develop your passions and purpose
What makes you excited in life? What will get you to wake up every morning and greet the day with open arms? This step is about formulating ideas. Maybe you love your job and you can create more purpose out of your current profession. Maybe you have wanted to make a location change but you have been too scared. Start to write down the things you want in your life. Jot down random thoughts like freedom, abundance and love. Formulate bigger ideas like “a job I feel fulfilled in and I make a salary to cover my needs and wants and “I am in a relationship where my physical, emotion and spiritual needs are met”. You can develop these ideas into a vision board or journal entries in order to develop and manifest them into your life. What are your passions in life and how can they be used to create your purpose?

Create goals and a plan of accountability
Once you have a general idea of where you want your life to go, create some goals. You want to make sure your goals are SMART: specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and timely. You can create a goal for each area of your life you want to shift and then create smaller action steps you are going to take to achieve your goal. An example of a goal would be: Complete one triathlon by March 2015. Smaller action steps would be: sign up for race, put together and follow a workout schedule, purchase biking equipment and put up motivational messages around the house to keep me engaged. What goals will you set for yourself in relation to your dreams, passions and purpose?

Reward yourself and bask in your glory
Do something to reward yourself for achieving your goals and living your dream. How do you best reward yourself for your achievements? Living your dreams will feel good in and of itself. You will end up feeling more connected to yourself and others. You will receive reward from the emotional freedom you will feel from living your authentic life; however it is important to reward yourself in ways that work for you. When I quit my full-time job, I bought a purse I had been eyeing for a long time. It was my reward for stepping outside of my comfort zone. The purse has become the symbol of my shift towards pursuing my dreams. What have you been eyeing that can be a personal symbol for your change? What emotional rewards are you looking to gain by following your dreams?

Interested in setting your sights onto something bigger but need help? Call me or text me at 954-258-8845 for a free 15 minute consultation on manifesting your dreams. I can help you develop a vision, set goals and hold you accountable to what you have set for yourself.

Amanda Patterson, LMHC, CAP decided to become a therapist while attending Nova Southeastern University. She saw the need to help people achieve the life they wanted to live, while creating a life of her own. She completed her master’s in Mental Health Counseling and started a career in the juvenile justice arena. Since then, she has started a private practice in Pembroke Pines Florida, specializing in depression, anxiety relationship issues, and substance abuse. Amanda is a believer in holistic treatment and she practices veganism, meditation and yoga in her life. Find out more about her practice here. For a free 15-minute consultation, call or text Amanda at 954-258-8845 or email her at amanda@amandapattersonlmhc.com.

Five Ways to be Connected During the Holidays

Early today I was talking to a friend about tv shows and he was trying to convince me to start watching some new series. This year alone I caught up on Game of Thrones, Walking Dead and Scandal. I gently shared that the only thing I want to watch over the next several weeks is Christmas movies! That statement reminded me how close the holiday season is and I decided to write a post about the holidays to kick-off the season. Below are my recommendations on how to make the best out of the upcoming holiday season.

1. Spend time with family and friends
Many people who suffer from depression often isolate. This is a common symptom of depression and can be a part of the never ending cycle of depression. You don’t feel like being around people so you withdraw. You withdraw and feel isolated and alone. You feel isolated and alone and you withdraw. The pattern can go on and on until you do something different. Get out there and spend time with people who support you. Most people will spend time with their family on the actual holidays, but you can increase the time you spend with them doing others things. How do you plan on spending time with your friends and family during the holiday season?

2. Participate in holiday themed activities
There are a plethora of fun-filled activities to engage in during the holiday season. Why not plan a holiday gift exchange with your co-workers or circle of friends? Decorate your house and show off your Christmas cheer. Attend a movie in the park at this showing your favorite movie. A couple years ago, my sister and I watched Elf while sitting on a blanket in Downtown Fort Lauderdale and it was loads of fun. There are festivals, ice skating stands, Christmas parties, Menorah lights and Nutcracker plays to go to and that just scratches the surface for Christmas and Hanukah themed activities. What activity are you looking forward to doing this year?

3. Connect with people in creative ways
One of my favorite things about the month of December is receiving holiday cards. It’s a lot of fun to see people getting really creative with their cards. People dress-up in their funniest or most stylish outfits and take amazing pictures. Also, you can make it a point to schedule a trip to see some family members you haven’t seen in a couple of months. You can send gratuity cards for Thanksgiving as a way to let people know how much you appreciate them. What creative way do you plan on connecting to others?

4. Set boundaries, when needed
As previously outlined, there are activities galore for you to engage in during the holiday season. It’s important for you to connect with others and have fun while doing it; however it is equally important to set your boundaries. If you have two parties in one weekend and your parents want to take you to dinner, asses your priorities and act accordingly. You don’t have to make it to every Christmas dinner, and Hanukah dinner and New Year’s Eve party. You can connect with your family members without buying $100’s of dollars of gifts. Set a budget for your holiday spending and stick to it. What boundaries will you set for the upcoming weeks?

5. Live in the moment
The magic of holidays is about appreciating all that is afforded to you and the spirit of how it comes together. Let yourself enjoy yet another viewing of Home Alone. Let yourself enjoy building a snowman or going skiing. Take time throughout the holidays to really take in your life. Laugh! Sing! Party! Decorate! Live in the moment. What are you most looking forward to this year?

Photo credit: Pinterest

Amanda Patterson, LMHC, CAP decided to become a therapist while attending Nova Southeastern University. She saw the need to help people achieve the life they wanted to live, while creating a life of her own. She completed her master’s in Mental Health Counseling and started a career in the juvenile justice arena. Since then, she has started a private practice in Pembroke Pines Florida, specializing in depression, anxiety relationship issues, and substance abuse. Amanda is a believer in holistic treatment and she practices veganism, meditation and yoga in her life. Find out more about her practice here. For a free 15-minute consultation, call or text Amanda at 954-258-8845 or email her at amanda@amandapattersonlmhc.com.

My Top Ten Recommendations for Starting a Private Practice

Find your niche
This is my number one recommendation. What population do you love to work with? What are your specialties in? The more specific you are, the more you are going to attract those types of clients with those specific issues. Worried about being too narrow? Let go of that limiting belief and follow your passion. Here are some suggestions: anxiety treatment for teenagers going to college in the fall or newly married couples dealing with infidelity issues. You will get calls for all type of clients but you want to cater to a specific clientele and having a niche will help you determine how to do that.

Find a location
Location. Location. Location. It’s important to do this after you discover your niche. If you want to be a play therapist, you are going to need to find an office close to schools with space, toys and hours of availability to see children at nights and on the weekends. You want to think about your population and where they live and then set your office in that area. Interested in working with couples, chances are you might want to look at the suburbs. Interested in working with college students, you will want to be close to a college that does not offer on campus counseling services.

Get liability insurance
Once you have your location, you can order liability insurance. There are no ifs, ands or butts about liability insurance. You need it to protect yourself. One company that offers great coverage is CPH and Associates.

Purchase your occupational license
This is required to do business in a local city in my county. Check to see the requirements are for your city, county and state in regards to doing business.

Join Psychology Today
This is one of the best avenues for receiving referrals. They dominate the google search. The cost is well worth it at $29.95 a month. You can put up a profile, with a biography, picture, specialties, fees and other relevant practice information. You will start getting calls and emails from there shortly after putting up your profile.

Print out business cards
These are a must, even in this day and age of technology. Business cards are still the standard for networking events and getting your name out there. Order cards with your picture on it. Make sure you put your specialty on there. Vistaprint offers great pricing on business cards.

Get active on social media
If you are only going to do one, pick Facebook. You can create a business page and it can to use just for your practice. I also suggest that you have Twitter, Pinterest, LinkedIn, Google+ and Instagram. I recommend that you update each site once a day.

Consult with an accountant
There are going to be questions you have about the business practices. An accountant will give you sound advice on how to handle taxes and basic accounting practices, such as how to track your income and expenses. Meeting with an accountant is a way for you to cover yourself from an audit or being unprepared for the amount of taxes you will have to pay.

Develop paperwork
Once you get calls coming in, you want to be sure your paperwork is in place. All paperwork needs to be HIPAA complaint. You will need intake paperwork and progress notes. If you are going to do an Electronic Health Record, some of the paperwork will be made available to you. There may be additional forms you want to include, such as checklists or credit card information.

Establish 3-5 referral sources
You are going to need multiple referral sources. They can be schools, other therapists, psychiatrists, doctors, lawyers, acupuncturists, massage therapists, halfway houses, rehab centers, mental health centers, etc. You will want to make contact and develop a relationship with 3-5 resources, initially; people that you know will send referrals your way to start your clientele.

Interested in starting a private practice? Call me today at 954-258-8845 for a free 15 minute consultation on how working with me on developing your private practice can set you on right track for being a successful private practice owner.

Photo credit: Pinterest

Amanda Patterson, LMHC, CAP decided to become a therapist while attending Nova Southeastern University. She saw the need to help people achieve the life they wanted to live, while creating a life of her own. She completed her master’s in Mental Health Counseling and started a career in the juvenile justice arena. Since then, she has started a private practice in Pembroke Pines Florida, specializing in depression, anxiety relationship issues, and substance abuse. Amanda is a believer in holistic treatment and she practices veganism, meditation and yoga in her life. Find out more about her practice here. For a free 15-minute consultation, call or text Amanda at 954-258-8845 or email her at amanda@amandapattersonlmhc.com.

Top Ten Things I Recommend To Clients

When a new client comes to see me, there’s a good chance I am going to recommend most, if not all, of these “things” to do in order to help facilitate their healing. If you are interested in getting a jump start on treatment or furthering your progress in therapy, then this list is for you.

Exercise
I dedicated a whole blog post on this in the past. It’s a must do for people suffering from anxiety and depression. Exercise is a natural anti-depressant. Getting in touch with your body is an important aspect of holistic treatment. What kind of exercise do you enjoy doing?

Meditate
10 minutes a day, once a day is a perfect prescription for meditation. There are apps you can download or videos you can watch on YouTube. Simply search “10 minute guided meditation” and some great videos come up. Sit in a quiet place in your house, with both feet on the floor or sitting on the floor, close your eyes and follow the words and music. What type of meditation practice are you going to put into place?

Connect with your inner child
This is another topic I previously dedicated a blog post to. Inner child work helps deal with past traumas. Making that connection and going back to heal is a sure fire way to accelerate treatment. Do you have something you loved doing as a child? Why not do it today and see what type of connection you have with your inner child.

Read a self-help book
Reading is one of my favorite hobbies and if my clients are willing to read, I am willing to make a recommendation. Here is a list of some of my favorites:

Healing the Shame That Binds You
by John Bradshaw

The Feeling Good Handbook
by David Burns

The Dance of Anger
by Harriet Lerner

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyways
by Susan Jeffers

Take a personal development course
My favorite personal development course is The Living Course. It’s a 30 hour intensive weekend workshop where you will identify patterns in your life and learn ways to become empowered to change them. It’s both group process and experiential in format. It’s has been a life changing experience for myself and some of my clients.

Make a list of your unhealthy thinking patterns
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is the treatment of choice for depression and anxiety, therefore clients are asked to keep a list of their thoughts so we can apply CBT techniques to change them. Changing thoughts leads to behavioral changes, which can result in an improvement in mood and functioning.

Make a commitment to therapy
If you need it, going to therapy on a regular basis and making a commitment to yourself and your therapist is paramount. Therapy is proven to help people better manage their emotions and make changes in their lives. When people don’t commit to therapy, it can show a lack of commitment to themselves, which might be the very thing driving their problems. What is your commitment to yourself and your therapist?

Take care of yourself
Speaking of lack of commitment to the self, one of my main recommendations is to engage in self-care. Most of what I have listed thus far is included in this; however there is a change in thought process that needs to occur where a person begins to ask themselves “how can I take care of myself today?”. Good self-care is another way to improve overall well-being. What is your favorite way to take care of yourself? Getting a massage? Reading a good book? Connecting with old friends for a night out?

Take responsibility for your life
You ended up where you are at in your life as a result of a series of choices you made. The choices may not have been easy and they may have not seemed like choices; but every day and every step, you make choices in your life. You decide who to marry. You decide what job to have. You decide what to do with your free time. And those discussions have shaped your life to where you are at today. And guess what? You can learn to make better decisions in order to have more desirable outcomes in your life when you get the understanding that you are in control of your life.

Reward yourself
Congratulate yourself for taking the step to come to therapy. Congratulate yourself for buying that self-help book. Pat yourself on the back when you complete your therapy homework. Pat yourself on the back when you make a major breakthrough in therapy and need the box of tissues.

Interested in putting these into practice with therapy? Call me today at 954-258-8845 for a free 15 minute consultation or visit my website for more information about my services.

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Amanda Patterson, LMHC, CAP decided to become a therapist while attending Nova Southeastern University. She saw the need to help people achieve the life they wanted to live, while creating a life of her own. She completed her master’s in Mental Health Counseling and started a career in the juvenile justice arena. Since then, she has started a private practice in Pembroke Pines Florida, specializing in depression, anxiety relationship issues, and substance abuse. Amanda is a believer in holistic treatment and she practices veganism, meditation and yoga in her life. Find out more about her practice here. For a free 15-minute consultation, call or text Amanda at 954-258-8845 or email her at amanda@amandapattersonlmhc.com.

Surviving Defiant Children While Keeping Your Power

Having a defiant toddler can feel like you are losing all of your power, especially if you are engaging in power struggle and find yourself giving in or walking away as the “victor” but not feeling good about the interaction. Every parent wants to feel in control with their children but sometimes they make it difficult to be the empowered parent you always wanted to be. Here are five tips for you to disengage in power struggle with your toddler.

Negotiate to achieve Win/Win
During conflict, one side is attempting to get their way or assert their desire over the other person. What if you decided to come from a win/win stance and look for ways you and your child could benefit? If you are fighting over bedtimes, you want him to get sleep and he wants to watch one more episode of tv, what is the win/win? If he watches one more episode, will you be able to complete one more work assignment? When you work towards win/win, both keep leave the conflict with a sense that they mattered and they were able to negotiate what they wanted. Can you think of a situation where you could have negotiated win/win and had an amicable outcome?

Do something completely unexpected
Is your child throwing a temper tantrum about something? Why not turn on the music and dance! Do something unexpected and see what type of response you get. It will probably confuse them in the beginning and then show them that you are not willing to go into power struggle. They will be forced to do something drastic themselves in order to meet you on your new level. They might even start dancing with you.

Try using one word
Your child doesn’t want to go to sleep again despite your many reminders? Try saying one word: bed. Repeat it strong and assertively but do not engage in dialogue with them. Do not allow for power struggle to occur with words. Use one word to signal the desired behavior and once they realized, again, that you aren’t going to go into power and control with them, then they will be given the choice to follow through with the request.

Give options and choices
If your child is generally defiant, then give them options. Would you like to wear the pink or purple shirt? Would you like to go to the park or the pool on Saturday? Giving them choices on a regular basis will help them to feel like they are a decision-maker in their life and thus allowing them to let go for the need for control.

Teach them to be powerful
If we teach children to be powerful, they will not need to try to control situations in their life to be powerful. They will naturally feel like they have influence on the things that happen in life. They will develop into strong leaders that know how to influence people without defiant behavior. Have your child look in the mirror every day and repeat powerful affirmations as a reminder of their worth.

Again, being the parent of a child, especially a defiant one can be taxing. Remember to look for ways to get out of power struggle with your child, which is probably going to be a new concept for both of you. You and your child will have the opportunity to do something different during periods of high stress. How much easier would your life be if you and your child lived together in cooperation versus powerful struggle?

Photo credit: Pinterest

Amanda Patterson, LMHC, CAP decided to become a therapist while attending Nova Southeastern University. She saw the need to help people achieve the life they wanted to live, while creating a life of her own. She completed her master’s in Mental Health Counseling and started a career in the juvenile justice arena. Since then, she has started a private practice in Pembroke Pines Florida, specializing in depression, anxiety relationship issues, and substance abuse. Amanda is a believer in holistic treatment and she practices veganism, meditation and yoga in her life. Find out more about her practice here. For a free 15-minute consultation, call or text Amanda at 954-258-8845 or email her at amanda@amandapattersonlmhc.com.