It’s easy for people in the new love/newlywed stage to express their love during Valentine’s Day but what if you’re stuck in a rut? People get stuck in all types of ruts, such as a demanding work schedule, having children or being in a transitional stage, and showing love to your significant other can be tough.

This holiday can bring up a lot of emotion in people. For all of you in a relationship that is connected, then Valentine’s Day can be simple. Flowers, card and dinner lead to a great night with your significant other. If you are single, then maybe a night out with your friends or taking some alone time to engage in self-love. Then there’s that group of people, very often ending up in my office for couple’s counseling, who are having difficulty in their relationship and are unsure of how to celebrate the upcoming day of love. Here are some steps for you to follow to move out of the rut.

Making the first step
If you are unsure of how to create intimacy in your disconnected relationship, you might have to begin by taking the first step. Make a suggestion to your partner that you want to do something for V-Day or mention a restaurant you would like to make reservations at. If you wait for your partner to say something, you may be setting yourself up not to have your needs met or of having expectations which won’t lead to anything. This step requires you to be vulnerable. Check in with yourself and ask “What would it look like for me to be vulnerable with my partner?” and “What’s keeping me from being vulnerable with them?”.

Taking baby steps
Taking baby steps to reconnect with your partner this week. If you have fallen out of a regular routine you used to have, make it happen for the two of you to connect that way one night. If you used to eat dinner together every night, ask your significant other to be home in time for the two of you to share a meal. During the meal, it’s a great opportunity for you to broach the subject of Valentine’s Day. Gauge their reaction and response when moving forward with the discussion. Again, take small steps toward connection and it will help to create safety where there has been a gap in intimacy.

Enjoying the day for what it is
Remember that love can be expressed in many different ways, on many different days. If your partner’s love language is not gifts, he may not realize that gifts are a “requirement” of Valentine’s Day and especially if your love language is gifts. Take the day to express love to your significant other and other people in your life. Fill up your need to celebrate Valentine’s Day through several avenues. Bring in candy to work. Wear red throughout the week. Watch a sappy romcom on Friday. Post fun pictures of Facebook that remind you of love. How can you best express love to yourself, your significant other and friends/family?

Happy Valentine’s Day!


Photo credit: Pinterest

Amanda Patterson, LMHC, CAP decided to become a therapist while attending Nova Southeastern University. She saw the need to help people achieve the life they wanted to live, while creating a life of her own. She completed her master’s in Mental Health Counseling and started a career in the juvenile justice arena. Since then, she has started a private practice in Pembroke Pines, Florida, specializing in depression, anxiety relationship issues, and substance abuse. Amanda is a believer in holistic treatment and she practices veganism, meditation and yoga in her life. Find out more about her practice here. For a free 15-minute consultation, call or text Amanda at 954-258-8845 or email her at