In long-term relationships, sometimes we forget how to keep it new and fresh. Couples stop wearing their sexy pajamas to bed and start wearing their old college t-shirt with a hole in it. Women lessen up on their make-up and primping. Men start watching football every Sunday and stop making Sunday Funday about the relationship. So when you find yourself in a rut, where you realize you still love your significant other but you’ve lost that proverbial “loving feeling”, how can you bring sexy back into your relationship?

Take care of yourself together
After all, you both still want to be together, so bring the sexy back together. One way to do this is through mutual hobbies. Make time for your relationship and do the things you enjoy together. This is another place where both partners need to be willing to step outside of their comfort zone. If a wife wants to take salsa classes, then men need to say yes! Women, if men want you to watch football with them on Sundays, then buy yourself a shirt supporting his team and wear it that day.

Take care of yourself separately
In order to be a successful two, you have to become a successful one. This is a major theme in my blogs. A whole person will attract another whole person and when two becomes one, the outcome will be complete. Women need to continue to nurture and pamper themselves. Women run the risk of putting others first, especially when children are involved. It is important to always take time for yourself, even if it is just ten minutes to read your favorite book or five minutes of eating that forbidden piece of dark chocolate.

Here are some tips for women to take care of yourself:
Make your personal appearance a priority for YOU! Get your hair done or get a massage. Do whatever fits for you and makes you feel beautiful. When you feel beautiful, other people will be attracted to that positive energy, as it will radiate off of you.

Dress, age appropriately, in a way that accentuates your body type and lets you embrace your femininity. Again, your powerful and loving energy will transform whatever space you are in and people will start noticing.

Exercise, exercise, exercise! This is the first thing that goes when life gets hectic but it may be the very thing that will keep you motivated and feeling good about yourself.

Do the unexpected
Is there something you have always wanted to do in your relationship but were too afraid to ask or worried what the other person would say? Why not get dressed up in your most fancy outfits and go to your favorite restaurant? Why not spend the whole day apart and meet up at a bar at the end of the night? Claire and Phil from Modern Family have hilarious tips on how to do this thing, which involves role-play. If you’ve been talking about going kayaking for months, then make it a priority and schedule the time in. It takes time and effort on both parties to bring the spark back into a relationship. Men- send her flowers. Women- make his favorite dinner. Think outside the box and see how the sexy comes back.


Photo credit: Pinterest

Amanda Patterson, LMHC, CAP decided to become a therapist while attending Nova Southeastern University. She saw the need to help people achieve the life they wanted to live, while creating a life of her own. She completed her master’s in Mental Health Counseling and started a career in the juvenile justice arena. Since then, she has started a private practice in Pembroke Pines Florida, specializing in depression, anxiety relationship issues, and substance abuse. Amanda is a believer in holistic treatment and she practices veganism, meditation and yoga in her life. Find out more about her practice here. For a free 15-minute consultation, call or text Amanda at 954-258-8845 or email her at