Building a relationship or keeping one takes a balance of having a person maintain their identity and creating a life as a couple. It is easy to fall into a relationship and lose yourself in the moment. When you start to put 100% of your energy into your relationship, you risk the chance of losing your identity and independence in the process. Here are some tips for you to continue to do throughout your relationship as a way to maintain your “I”.

1. Keep your own hobbies

It’s always fun to date someone who has similar interests as you. This way on Saturday afternoon you can both go paddle boarding. But what about Sunday? Chances are he might be watching football. She might be reading the latest Chick Lit book. What are you going to do with your time? Find or maintain your own hobbies. Find a new local coffee shop, go to the gym or meet up with some friends at a 5k. Having your own hobbies is important for your sense of self and efficacy.


2. Make time for family without your significant other

Again, this is an easy routine to fall into. Of course your significant other will be at every holiday and major event. However, sometimes it’s important to take time with your family, for you. There is a different level of comfort and openness between family members. Take the time to go to lunch with your sibling and share about your relationship, work or whatever else is on your mind.


3. Enjoy time with your friends

When we get into relationships, it’s natural for your friendships to fall to the wayside. This is a normal process that happens; however it is also important to recognize that it is happening and recommit to incorporating a balance. Just like with your family, take the afternoon to go out with your best friends. The time you spend apart will make you appreciate your other person just a little bit more when you get home.

When you find yourself losing yourself in your relationship, just take a deep breath, recommit to your other relationships (including the one to yourself) and enjoy the time you spend both with and without your partner.


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Amanda Patterson, LMHC, CAP decided to become a therapist while attending Nova Southeastern University. She saw the need to help people achieve the life they wanted to live, while creating a life of her own. She completed her master’s in Mental Health Counseling and started a career in the juvenile justice arena. Since then, she has started a private practice in Pembroke Pines Florida, specializing in depression, anxiety relationship issues, and substance abuse. Amanda is a believer in holistic treatment and she practices veganism, meditation and yoga in her life. Find out more about her practice here. For a free 15-minute consultation, call or text Amanda at 954-258-8845 or email her at