For anyone who has tried to start a relationship or is in one can attest that their emotional baggage has come up and impacted the beginning of a relationship. People attract their perfect match in terms of emotionally availability. For this reason, it is easy to blame the other person when things don’t work in a relationship. If you find that you are in a place where your emotional baggage or your partner’s emotional baggage is showing up, look no further because this recipe for success may work for you.

The first step is to take a hard long look at how you are showing up in your relationship because it might give you an idea of issues to look at in your life. Are you constantly worried about what your partner thinks about your appearance or is he critical about your looks? It might be time to see your view of your body and self-image and what messages you receive and tell yourself about your appearance. This might be an appropriate place for you to work on your femininity and what it means to be a woman.

The next step is to do something about your unhealthy thinking patterns. Explore your thinking in therapy, through the usage of a journal or with the help of friends and family. Look for themes in your thinking. If you are constantly worried about being left by your spouse or you see a pattern that you are giving more than the other person, it’s time to look into your abandonment issues.

Thirdly, once you find those core issues, it’s important to work through the pain and grief that comes along with facing the things that are the hardest to look into. If you have an abandonment issue, explore where that comes from. Look at your relationship with your parents. Many times core issues stem from childhood experiences. With the help of a skilled therapist, working through emotional issues from childhood is one of the best ways to form healthier attachments to spouses.

Finally, celebrate your successes. Look for a man that meets your new emotional needs. Once you let go of your emotional baggage, you will find a man who has let go of his stuff. That relationship has a greater potential to turn into something fulfilling because both of you will be on a healthier emotional plane.

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Amanda Patterson, LMHC, CAP decided to become a therapist while attending Nova Southeastern University. She saw the need to help people achieve the life they wanted to live, while creating a life of her own. She completed her master’s in Mental Health Counseling and started a career in the juvenile justice arena. Since then, she has started a private practice in Pembroke Pines Florida, specializing in depression, anxiety relationship issues, and substance abuse. Amanda is a believer in holistic treatment and she practices veganism, meditation and yoga in her life. Find out more about her practice here. For a free 15-minute consultation, call or text Amanda at 954-258-8845 or email her at